The heart of everything
by Nepeace
Summary: A Christmas surprise. Written for the NFA Community Secret Santa exchange. JIBBS


This was written for the NFA Community Secret Santa 2009 (.), a yearly event we hold.

**Title: The heart of everything**

**Written by:** Angelique ( Nepeace )

**Rating:** PG13

**Characters:** Jenny and Gibbs, but appearances by others though briefly

**Warnings:** Nothing really …

**Author's Notes:** Happy Holidays to everyone!!!

_**The heart of everything**_

_I hate the way I don't hate you, _

_Not even close…_

_Not even a little bit… _

_Not even at all._

He pushed the door open, Cynthia hot on his heels but just a little too slow to be ahead of him. Granted all he had to do was walk in a straight line from the door to the entrance of the office while she had to get up and walk around her desk. That added with the fact that he was determined enough to get into Jenny's office he was basically unstoppable in his mission. He strode into the room, with a Styrofoam mug of steaming hot coffee clutched in his hand. He made a point of not knocking because he knew that it would annoy the red headed woman behind the desk. And he could not pass off a chance like that. Cynthia, her assistant followed him into the room quickly apologizing to her new boss. Jenny looked up annoyed but never the less she smiled at Cynthia; "Don't worry about it, Cynthia. Agent Gibbs here is too stubborn to follow the rules." Cynthia smiled back and left the room closing the door behind her. He sat down in the chair across from his desk and sipped his coffee, he was almost tempted to swing his feet up on the edge of her desk but he didn't, he knew that his recent behavior was already annoying her more then enough.

"The door was not open, Special Agent Gibbs." She said sternly her voice was cold and sounded distant, it was useless she was well aware of that. Nevertheless she kept on trying, specifically when she was annoyed by his manners or rather the lack there off and she couldn't hide it any longer. She hated it when he came waltzing into her office without even knocking on the door or waiting till Cynthia called her to see if she was even available. Truth be told he never walked into her office while she was in a meeting but still it was annoying when someone thought that simple and general rules didn't apply to them. She hated that he never seemed to have enough manners to do things other people would consider normal. Gibbs in his defense had told her that he had a perfect view on her door and always knew whether or not she was in a conference or meeting. When she had claimed that he could never know if she was in video conference or phone call he had simply stated that it could not be anything important or she would have made that call in MTAC, which was the truth she could not deny that. It annoyed her even more that he seemed to be right whenever he made a statement during a heated discussion. And it usually always ended with her fuming while he walked away with that lopsided grin of his on his face.

But what she hated even more was the fact that even though he never seemed to care for any of the rules which were part of everyday life or procedures during work hours, he insisted that everyone around him followed his set of rules, all fifty of them.

She hated how he was the one who seduced her all those years ago and how he had not been there to fight for her when she had pushed him away. When she told him that her career was more important and that he did not fit in her prospect of her perfect thought out future. On one hand she had meant it, she had meant every word she had spoken on that dreadful afternoon before they returned to America from Europe. But on the other hand she had secretly hoped that he would fight for her that he would not give up on her or on their love.

They had returned to America when their mission ended and Jenny had moved on got a new job within NCIS, a new mission and a new team and soon her thoughts about Jethro and her had faded into the past and the feeling had slowly disappeared or maybe she had just learned to deal with it in a better way. That and besides the fact that she didn't see Jethro on a daily bases helped immensely. But nothing could have prepared her for the way that she felt when she had met a former team member who told her that Gibbs had married a woman barely a couple of months after she had moved away. Neither the feeling of happiness when she heard that he was getting a divorce. But two more marriages on his part had come and gone before they had seen each other again. Jenny though that she would be able to deal with the situation and that she could handle seeing him on a daily bases. But Jenny could have never anticipated the way she felt when the feelings came rushing back into her when she laid eyes on Gibbs. Truth be told she had to stop every fiber of her being from physically showing what she was feeling inside or running in the opposite direction. And she had managed to do that by covering it with professional coldness.

***

A few short months ago she had been a distant memory, one of the many women he had loved at one time in his life. He couldn't really deny it, she had been different then his last couple of ex-wifes. Next to Shannon she had been the one he really loved, he knew that he could never get Shannon back but the fact that Jenny was here now back in his life was nothing short of a miracle. She was the one who told him that reaching her goals in her desired career would be more important then her own love life. In a way she had told him that he would not be good for her career and at the time he had done what he did best he left. He didn't show any of the feelings but he felt them nevertheless. He had missed her and every now and then he would think of her. But it wasn't until a couple of months go when all of the sudden Jenny had showed up at the NCIS headquarters stating that she was going to be the new NCIS Director. The first female Director of NCIS at that, one of the things she always had hoped she would once become. He had been surprised to say the least when she showed up.

But ever since she had shown up she had been giving him the cold shoulder constantly. And it had been getting on his last nerve for a while now. So what he was doing here right now was merely payback.

"What are you doing here?" Jenny said in a bitchy tone of voice, staring at him over her reading glasses; "Are you here to tell me you solved the case?" She flipped through the file she had presumably been reading, shut it and put it back on the corner of her table. To be honest she had been holding it in her hands and it might have looked as if she was reading but she wasn't. She had been thinking, fantasizing actually about how different her life could have been if she made a few different choices, if she had been brave enough to choose a different road. This was the time of the year when she wondered if it was all really worth it or if she had passed up on all of her chances.

"Solved the case? No, but I was thinking if we can work tonight we might be able to solve it." He knew that it would annoy her and he also knew that she would never agree with it, but he couldn't help it he just had to make the suggestion while he looked up at her with his bright blue eyes. The eyes she could drown in if she allowed herself to do so, a fact which he was all too aware of.

"No, you can work the case tomorrow or after the weekend for all I care, but you are not getting out of the annual Christmas party." Jenny got up, she took off her glasses and put them on the table. "I personally don't like the Christmas parties either but it is mandatory and I want you to be there too." She turned towards the window and looked out over the Navy Yard signaling that their conversation was over as far as she was concerned. Watching him and not acting on her feelings was becoming increasingly harder and she couldn't look at him right now. She refused to say another word and waited for him to leave her office.

She breathed a sigh of relief when she finally heard him retreat to the front office. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back in her neck rolling it from one side to the other hoping to relief some of the tension in her muscles. She stared at the clock on the wall willing the time to move faster but it was barely later then it had been when she last checked it. She sighed and sat down at her desk again.

***

Everyone at NCIS was getting ready for the annual Christmas party, she didn't like these events either, but she knew that they were part of her position at NCIS and she knew that she couldn't pass it. And if she had to go, it was only fair that her employees joined her as well, besides that it would look good for the integrity of the agency also. Due to the party that evening the office was already empty when she descended down the stairs however she was surprised when she found Ziva still sitting at her table.

"We do not celebrate Christmas." Ziva said softly, yet matter of factly when she looked up at Jenny. She was actually in America for the first time while the Holiday season was upon them. She had listened to McGee reminiscing his youth, Christmas eve with his family handing out presents going to church and having a nice meal together. He told them how one time he got a Mac computer, Tony had laughed at him and told him about some expensive present he received from his parents of course he hadn't been talking about geeky stuff like a computer. Ziva knew that he told it just to make it sound like he had good youth, with good Christmas memories. But Ziva knew better, like her father; Tony's parents had compensated the fact that they were never there for him with huge expensive presents instead of giving their children love. Even though she would not admit it she knew deep in her heart that McGee was the lucky one.

"Agent David, I am well aware of the fact that you are Jewish and don't celebrate Christmas nevertheless this is not so much about Christmas but more about team building and spending a night together. I am not going to force you or anyone else to listen to the biblical story … come on Ziva, I am pretty sure that you still own that beautiful navy blue dress you wore on that undercover op in Egypt." Jenny said to Ziva allowing the friendship she had with the younger woman to resurface from her usually stern 'NCIS Director' facade. She still felt a deep connection to the younger woman especially since she risked her own life to save Jenny when they where working together on the anti terrorism task force.

Ziva looked up at Jenny while she pushed the papers she had been working on back into the folder and got up. She grabbed her coat and bag while she started to talk; "You are right, I still have that dress. I will go home and well … I'll be there." She rolled her eyes with a smile while she turned her computer off.

"Ziva,don't you dare roll your eyes at me!" Jenny exclaimed with a mock glare at the younger woman; "And while you are at it you might want to tell Ducky that you would like to join him tomorrow as well. He would be so happy if he could get the team together on Christmas eve and since he doesn't have any family besides his mother he would love it if you would join him. You are also part of his 'family', to him it would mean the world." Jenny said while she walked towards the elevator with Ziva and pushed the button.

"It is only one day till Christmas Eve I can not tell Ducky now that I will join him. He did not count on an extra person." Ziva said to Jenny looking a little sad.

"Ziva, believe me Ducky has counted on you, whether you declined his offer or not. I have known him for quite a while, Ducky hopes against all hope that you will change your mind." Jenny smiled at Ziva, a warm generous smile. They arrived at the car park where their ways would separate.

"Okay, I will tell him at the party tonight that I will join them tomorrow. I could always go over earlier in the day and help him with preparations of the dinner." Ziva answered with a smile, she liked too cook and maybe this was a chance to learn something new.

"He would like that very much." Jenny checked her watch; "Well, I have to go now if I want to make it back on time for the party. Shalom Ziva, I'll see you tonight." She said while she kissed Ziva on both cheeks before she turned and got into the back of her chauffeur driven car. Ziva turned around and made her way to her bright red covered in racing stripes Mini. Her price possession, which she bought shortly after she started working with NCIS.

***

Barely two hours later Jenny was back on her way to the city to join the party. Her chauffeur drove her down town to where the party would be held. She smiled while she took the time to watch the people as they arrived, it was a black tie event and she was happy to see that most people actually took that to heart. The gathering crowd looked absolutely stunning wearing their navy dress suits, black suits and dresses.

Jenny got out of the car, one of the high ranking Navy men who had just arrived before her showed up by her side and offered her his arm. She smiled at him while she took his offered arm and made her way towards the building. She could not help but noticed the disappointed look on Gibbs' face, which he hid quickly when he saw her looking his way.

She was surprised but since the Navy man asked her a question she didn't really have any time to contemplate what was bothering Gibbs. She put her observation away to the back of her mind and decided that she would figure out what Gibbs' look meant.

Soon her mind was occupied with questions and conversations and more then once she was asked for a dance. She decided that she would just enjoy her evening, more then once however she tried to make eye contact with Gibbs but he seemed to look away whenever she even remotely glanced towards him. The next moment however he would stare at her. She had no idea what had changed between them or what was going on with Gibbs. But the later into the evening it got the more disappointed Jenny felt because Gibbs not once he asked her to dance with him despite the fact that he knew how much she loved to dance. And how good they where at it, she reminisced about one of their missions in Europe. She remembered how she had floated around the room held in his strong arms on the harmonious sounds of a waltz. When she felt someone tap her shoulder she hoped that it would be Gibbs but much to her dashing hopes it was SecNav. The team leader who she had been dancing with excused himself and turned to leave, Jenny continued dancing with SecNav who made a point of praising her for the way she held her stance at the top of a Navy driven agency.

When Jenny finally managed to get away from the dance floor and went in search of Gibbs she was stumped when she could not find him. For a while she talked to Ducky who had many stories to tell about all the different Christmas parties he went to and the different traditions in several countries he had visited along his life. Jenny listened but she couldn't keep her mind from wondering where Gibbs was. She moved on from talking to Ducky to the rest of Gibbs' team. But when she asked either one of them where Gibbs was; no one seemed to know where he had disappeared to. Jenny was even more disappointed when she found out that he apparently sneaked out as fast as he could. She decided to move on and let it go for now, she would deal with Gibbs later.

***

He had watched her interact with the highest ranking Navy Men who joined the Christmas party and with his fellow team leaders. But she had avoided him, just like he had avoided her. Every now and then however their gazes met across the room and they both looked away quickly at other moments he had stared at her. Trying to see who would look away first, a couple of times it had been Jenny but he knew that he couldn't really count it since she was distracted by one person or another with a question or a conversation and sometimes even an introduction she really wasn't waiting for. Others might not notice it but he did, he could see in her eyes and the way that she smiled that she was not really into the party. Though he knew that others who didn't know her as well as he once knew her would never even notice it. She was a professional and she would make sure that they wouldn't notice it.

Gibbs downed the last of his drink and while she was dancing with SecNav he disappeared from the room. He quietly made his way to his truck in the parking lot and drove away into the dark night. He came to a halt at a crossing, he could go either way. To the left would take him home but to the right…

***

Finally hours later then she had anticipated she would be able to get away from the party she was actually able to break free and request for her driver to bring her home. She thanked him when he finally put the car to a halt in front of the large entrance doors of the huge house which had been in her family for years. She got out of the car and wished him and his family a nice Christmas and to make the best of his holidays. Jim nodded and wished her the same back. But Jenny didn't smile in return, instead she turned towards the house and made her way up the stairs. Her thoughts where filled with questions of old feelings which where rushing back to the surface.

The house seemed strangely dark for the time of the year, it was not like any other building in the area. They had all been ready for the Holiday season weeks ago, the lights had proudly lightened up the houses and the gardens where filled with Santa's and reindeer's. But not Jenny's house, the huge town house looked like it looked on an average day. But now with the falling snow she suddenly realized how cold and empty it looked, it fitted her mood however. From the outside there where no visible decorations, no red or green, no lights and certainly no mistletoe. And why would she have the house decorated, it was not like she would be entertaining any visitors over the holidays or that she herself would be home much.

Besides that she didn't have the time in the past few weeks to make sure that she would have a tree in the house and put up the decorations, she had been too busy running a couple of undercover ops while managing the other teams in the headquarters as well as around the world. Most of her time in the last few days had been spend trying to solve some internal problems in Rota, Spain.

At this moment she couldn't really be bothered about decorations or lights all she wanted right now was to grab a glass of bourbon and retreat to her bedroom and hopefully she would be able to fall asleep and have a nice dream about... She took her key from the purse and opened the door. She stepped into the hallway, placing her coat on the hook in the hallway closet. She closed the door and walked down the hallway towards her study, she stopped halfway through the narrow hallway to relieve her feet from the tight high heeled shoes which she carelessly dropped to the floor. She pushed the double doors open and suddenly a bright yellow light fell across her and onto the floor.

She looked up, suddenly aware that something had seemed different when she first entered the house but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. She had been too preoccupied with images of memories. She knew that she had turned the light in the study off. But now a warm fire was burning in the fire place and a decorated Christmas tree was placed in the far corner of the room. "Gibbs! What if I had my gun!" She exclaimed when she saw him.

He smiled at her with that trademark lopsided grin while he looked her up and down; "Hiding underneath that dress? There is no way you have a gun on you." He watched the flowing shiny material of the emerald green dress. He was sure that she didn't have a gun on her person, and judging by the size of that small handbag she was carrying she didn't have her gun in there either.

"Jethro!" She exclaimed while her face turned a darker shade of pink. She was glad that the room was barely lit and hoped that he didn't notice. "What are you doing here?"

"I always thought that you were a talented agent, Jenny. What does it look like I am doing here?" He asked while he smiled and watched her in the flickering light of the fireplace which shone a warm orange light across the room.

She crossed the room and took the glass from his hand, she took a sip before she looked up seductively over the rim of the glass; "It looks like you came here to enjoy my fireplace and my best bourbon." She said with a smile; "And by the looks of it to decorate the room while you were at it." She said while she moved towards him but made a beeline for the Christmas tree which he had placed in the corner of the room. The tree was decorated with red and gold bows and beautifully handcrafted wooden ornaments. She slowly let her fingers run over them feeling the curves in the almost soft to the touch wood. She had always been amazed at his hand crafted work. "This must have cost ages to make..."

Gibbs shrugged while he watched her; "Well, I had enough spare time during the holidays these last couple of years." He stated easily, brushing it off as if it was nothing.

She turned around and watched him intensely; "No, this is amazing work, but that doesn't answer my question does it?"

"I guess not." Gibbs shrugged without giving a more elaborative answer.

Jenny took another sip from the bourbon and watched him, she squinted her eyes; "Why are you here, Jethro?" She asked once again putting extra emphasis on his name. He smiled at her and moved closer towards her.

He pulled her close to him and embraced her; "I am here because I can no longer act as if I don't care about you."

Jenny doubtfully looked down at the glass in her hands and quickly placed it on the fire place border, was her mind playing tricks on her. Did she have too much alcohol or was she really hearing what she thought he had just said? Jenny wasn't sure of anything anymore. She quickly looked up and saw the smile playing on his face and the glimmer in his eyes.

"Yes, Jenny I really did say what you think I just said." He hooked his finger underneath her chin and lifted her head up making sure that she was looking straight into his eyes before he spoke up again; "Jenny, I can no longer act as if I don't care about you. You came back into my life and it changed everything." He leaned in and softly kissed her lips. Jenny snaked her arms around his neck making sure that he was not going anywhere when she broke the kiss; "Merry Christmas Jethro. This is the best Christmas present I ever received." She said with a loving smile before she returned her lips to his. Gibbs wrapped his arms around her and kissed her back. "Merry Christmas Jenny."

***

_FIN_


End file.
